Okay, but you're starting to get a little more wordy than necessary, for example,
Quote:
10 hours ago, Gephreigh said:
it was an expanse of rich brown attempting to, albeit somewhat poorly, convince the onlooker of a bovine origin.
could all be replaced by "brown Naugahyde" or some other wording of the description. Too much description of the scene detail slows the reader down. You seem to have a good feel for the pacing as the two men sort of circle around each other a bit.
Again, watch the dialog and character placement in your paragraphing. This:
<p dir="ltr">
" ... It had a slight rooty and citrus smell to it. “Whatever it is, it sure smells nice. Here’s mud in yer eye!” Jim’s smile faded slightly.
<p dir="ltr">
“My ex used to say that very same thing.” I felt a pang of regret at opening up again what was surely a sore subject. “It's a variant on a vertigo, slightly more lemon, and using ginger beer. I hope you like it, it’s one of my favorites.” "
<p dir="ltr">
should look like this:
<p dir="ltr">
" ... It had a slight rooty citrus smell to it. “Whatever it is, it sure smells nice. Here’s mud in yer eye!”
<p dir="ltr">
Jim’s smile faded slightly. “My ex used to say that very same thing.” I felt a pang of regret at opening up again what was surely a sore subject. “It's a variant on a vertigo, slightly more lemon, and using ginger beer. I hope you like it, it’s one of my favorites.” "
<p dir="ltr">
You're doing good with the important parts; you mainly need to work on the mechanical details, like punctuation. I think you've got a good storytelling instinct.